Trust the Process

I got a 477 on my MCAT. I disappointed my family and friends, and I became a disgrace to the Bermejo name. I cried for months and decided to give up on my dream to become a physician.

Then, I woke up.

The hardest part about any big milestone or checkpoint in the pre-med life is waiting.

This month has been nothing but good to me. I started kickboxing, gotten back to the gym and dance, and I became the studio manager of Dancing for a Cause Headquarters Community Center. Most of all, I’m in the process of forgiving myself for neglecting my self-care needs for the 7 months leading up to my MCAT Test day.

Leading up to the score release date, however, I did have a couple of anxiety-filled days, where my mind would make up terrible scenarios of getting my MCAT score. Usually when I take exams, I would have an idea of how well or how badly I did. However, I had absolutely no idea whether I completely screwed up or if my hard work paid off with the MCAT. Nevertheless, I knew that if I didn’t like my score, it would only mean that I am not ready to move onto the next stage, that I have more to my journey than immediately applying to medical school, and that it’s okay.

I finally got my score, and I’ve never been so relieved in my life. I cried of tears of joy, wishing my great grandmother was still here to hear the news. I was proud of myself, but then I realized that this is not the biggest test I will take.

Surprisingly, Critical Analysis and Reading Skills and Psychology/Sociology were my two highest scores, followed by the other two sections, Chemistry/Physics and Biology/Biochemistry.

There is so much pressure on aspiring doctors. Whether you are still in your undergrad, in medical school, or in residency. We are surrounded by competition- people who would love to see us fail, and expectation- people who expect nothing but greatness from us. I have a hard time distinguishing between which is worse. With waiting and finally getting the score I wanted, I learned that there’s no point in worrying about what you can’t control. It’s all about the process, the journey, the climb up to the top. As long as you know in your heart that you truly gave it your all, there’s no sense in beating yourself up for the detours you are meant to travel.

Trust the process. Depending on our actions, we always end up right where we are meant to be, right when we are meant to be there.

Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you.

Aldous Huxley

2 thoughts on “Trust the Process

  1. Malavi Srinivasan says:

    Hi Maius!! I️ just read your blog and I️t gave me so much inspiration. Now I️ am no where near where you are, still in my sophomore year of high school, but recently I️ have been feeling really down about my grades. Most of friends and even my boyfriend are all in at least top 6% of my class, and I️t has probably brought me to my worst stage in life. Being in band, dance, multiple clubs, and going through everyday school, I️ compare myself WAY too much to all the extremely smart kids around me. But I️ thank you for sharing your story, because I️t truly helped me work harder than ever before, and know that I️ can put my best effort in whatever I️ do and be proud of myself (and not compare myself to those top 1% bitches who do nothing outside of school hehe). But yes, thank you maius.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alliah (paintingpages) says:

    Thank you for sharing!! I’ve been waiting for this post to see your hard work pay off. You’re first paragraph did give me a little scare, but I’m so glad you got the score you wanted! Can’t wait to see where the rest of your pre-med journey takes you!

    You’re truly an inspiration and role model!

    P.S. I’m just in my second semester at UT and I still feel like I’m not trusting myself enough, and succumbing to the pressure from peers, professors, family, and myself, in a way that makes me too hard on myself, even in moments where it is irrational. The past two weeks, I’ve gotten better, and this post, especially the final paragraphs, put in words the thoughts and emotions I have been feeling. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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